im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
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