yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
