The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I AM VODKA MAN
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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