so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
