So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
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And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
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I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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