So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
