Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
