Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
