I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
please don't ironically join a cult
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