yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
