Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
