You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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