i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
