Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize