you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
