Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
sarcasm needs its own font
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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