I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
