I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
