So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Pooping to opera.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
