He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
