I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
