you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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