Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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