Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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