babies were throwing up all over the place
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
True college students do jello shots in the library
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