I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
"it" just moved
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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