i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
no you cant smoke seaweed
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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