my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Randomize
