Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
