he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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