So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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