I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
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It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
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If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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