Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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