i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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