this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
