she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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