i think my tv is drunk
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
