Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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