i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
