White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
