but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
