it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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