would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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