so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
