he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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