My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
