I just cut my nipple shaving
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
