but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
