oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
