where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
