I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I will be naked everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize