I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
