Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
