Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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