You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
