I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
should my penis look like a turkey
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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