Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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