I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
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