you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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