If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
