Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
