i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
