God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
