Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
