He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
