Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
