awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
