i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
