How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
