captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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