Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
