I'm so fucking centered right now
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
