ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
