i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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